poetry Lennie Law poetry Lennie Law

the perils of people pleasing

There are days when

I feel empty

When I should feel full -

Like the blood drains from my heart

And my chest starts to collapse.

But the room is radiant and joyful

Bright and abundant

And I look around and wonder -

If my surroundings have

Sucked the life out of me?

Brought me to slaughter?

The sacrifice for everyone else

To have a good day.


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poetry Lennie Law poetry Lennie Law

To London,

The saying goes

London calling

but I rang first

and kept it ringing

followed the line

across oceans and land

packed my bags

came holding hands

soon fell out of love

with the wrong man

broken in two

without a plan

suddenly single

I was brand new

open and honest

to finding you

fell head over heels

for this bright city

for all of its flaws and

all of its pretty

turning corners

your streets caught my tears

my vulnerable moments

and all of my fears

you watched me fall

you watched me crawl

until I stood tall

because of it all

my spark caught fire

and tore through the night

the winter was cold

but I was alight

five seasons in now

summer has shone twice

I have done my dues

I have paid the price

we found each other

London and I

solid ground for my feet

and a never ending sky


A little piece about moving countries, breaking up, finding yourself and beginning again // I have always wanted to move to London but when I did, a breakup wasn’t part of the vision - I can tell you now that it was the best thing that happened - because I got to live London for and by myself, like the little me had always dreamed of.
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poetry Lennie Law poetry Lennie Law

greener grass

many a conversation I’ve had recently
spent glorifying the neighbour’s grass
wondering how they’ve kept it so green
level, plain, simple, lush
and seemingly thriving
in harsh summer sun

I asked them what it looked like
along the fence, on the side where
you cannot see from the street
that side that gets kept in the shade
and is a perfect breeding ground
for those climbing weeds
where you need reinforcements
or to pull with your hands and knees


This one is simple - I was jealous of what I saw in comparison to what I have. But this was my own friendly reminder that every beautiful garden grows weeds, there is always a corner where something is swept out of sight, and nothing or no-one is perfect.
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poetry Lennie Law poetry Lennie Law

forgotten feeling

Remind me please
that sunshine comes from above
I’ve had to find it elsewhere

as London proves that we’re all
fools for spring

As I wait for the season to shine
I have found the light
through new postcodes
and thrifting treasures
stretching the legs
driving into the expanse
and bypassing dead ends

I have found the warmth
through the phone with a friend
dancing with familiar strangers
sharing my favourite meals
running towards the new
and trusting the fall

Remind me please
that sunshine can be a feeling
I’ve had to make it myself
and though the real rays are welcomed
I’m not a fool at all


Waiting patiently/impatiently for spring sunshine to arrive - and realising in it's absence, that I can make my own.
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poetry Lennie Law poetry Lennie Law

dear date

meet me at five guys

tottenham court road

we'll order burgers

and fries and talk in code

before the show starts

at six-fourty five

don’t be late

or else we won’t survive

the hunger that’ll hit

at seven thirty

keep me waiting and

I won’t be flirty


Felt cute, wrote it, and sent it. And yes, it was well received. And yes, it was a good date.
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poetry Lennie Law poetry Lennie Law

delightfully dangerous

describes that feeling

when you are living by intuition

moving with instinct

and suspending judgement

exercising your power

releasing your spirit

and feeding embers into fire

an unstoppable energy

that sparks uncontainable

pure joy


Written after a glorious catchup with a friend - where we celebrated sex and sensuality, confidence and confrontation, power in our femininity.
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poetry Lennie Law poetry Lennie Law

valentine

Seven men stand
Outside the florist
Waiting to surprise
The person on their mind

Six bouquets brighten
The grey tube carriage
Love littering eye lines
Flowers bringing life

Tell your people
You love them
On the one day you
Don’t have to be shy


I took my own
Fearless, careless advice
And now I am impatiently waiting
For the reply


Oh, I’m a sucker for love - you should know that about me. I was on the bus, driving through Shoreditch and past a florist. The view of men lining up waiting to pick up their bouquets painted me in romance and I thought about who might be on the receiving end of their love. I looked at my phone and thought, “Do I, don’t I,” and battled with messaging a crush something, anything, nothing.
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poetry Lennie Law poetry Lennie Law

three seasons

Summer:
chasing sunsets
broken Italian
sweat in search of swims
the thrill of settling
blissfully unaware

Autumn:
falling leaves
solo commutes
life in search of normalcy
the change of pace
inescapable truths

Winter:
relishing snowfall
finding home
mind in search of wonder
the catalyst for growth
liberated heart


Where each season concurrently encapsulated two very life-changing events: moving countries and breaking up.
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Lennie Law Lennie Law

seeing is believing

You had a vision

life before your eyes

of you and him

As I sat across the table

looked into your eyes

I saw it too

Together we walked

both before my eyes

vision come to life


To my friend - what a privilege it is to witness decision, action and love. You are so brave, and I am so proud.
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poetry, writing Lennie Law poetry, writing Lennie Law

motherly advice

she told me

they should always love you more

she raised me

to love above and beyond that

she showed me

strength where surrender was best

she deceived me

with perseverance over peace

she taught me

how to rationalise hurt

she consoled me

and reminded me of what she had said


In my first relationship, my mother passed me this one piece of advice. It stuck - and it’s a concept I’ve grappled with for a decade now, with every crush, boyfriend, potential, hypothetical. This piece is my reflection on growing up - of a relationship shift between mother and daughter, unlearning unhealthy lessons and understanding child behaviours that no longer serve me as an adult - all whilst respecting and loving the woman that brought me to life. It broke my heart when I penned this poem, when I made these realisations in therapy - and a deep gut-feeling still stirs every time I read this. 
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poetry, writing Lennie Law poetry, writing Lennie Law

coin jar

Spare moments

are spent on you

wondering if you’re spending

the same spare moments on me.

As if they’re coins slotting through the money jar

one tentatively from me

then hoping

one decisively slots in from you.

I don’t mind banking them

if we’re evenly matched

and we smash the jar open

to share our savings.

But if we count the coins

and I’ve invested more

I want them back

because I’ve over-invested

one too many times before.


Musings on relationships both friendly and romantic - moving from a growth to conservative investor. Are they thinking of me as much as I am thinking about them? Are we investing equal amounts? Battling the natural instinct to feel and fall in love, to care - with the burn of being hurt and left with a loss of love and energy.
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poetry, writing Lennie Law poetry, writing Lennie Law

no gain

I have spent

so much time

and energy

and love

keeping us afloat

pulling you along

holding strong

but I can’t do it anymore

my heart is bleeding

energy waning

with the pain and strain

of your weight

wasting me away


Reflecting on the idea of  'working on a relationship'. Understanding the delicate yet disordered difference between what is worth working on and what needs to be let go. Then deciding on what to do next.
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poetry, writing Lennie Law poetry, writing Lennie Law

in between

We walked from market to station

two beers between us

minus one degrees.

Sharing three kisses

distance closing between us

unabashedly crushing after these.


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poetry, writing Lennie Law poetry, writing Lennie Law

hear my voice

Show me how to stand up for myself

because I’ve grown up being silenced

to make it easier to survive


The world is too big for me to feel small

yet I have lived as if it was -

as a minority living in a majority


My voice is lost against those

who feel like theirs has the right of way

leaving me with so much and nothing to say


A fog is slowly lifting from me

but only because the world is starting to see what I see

and trying to feel what I wished I never had to feel


Like I didn’t belong - wasn’t welcome,

like I was living on borrowed land and borrowed time

paying rent and only dreaming of ownership


Don’t call it character building or life experience

or resilience or a point of difference that

I have felt what you have not


It is not my privilege - or advantage

to walk down the street and be told to go back home

knowing full well they don’t mean around the corner that I came from


Stop telling me things will be ok and things will be better

because after twenty-seven years I have realised

how tired I am of battling


So here is my voice in your ears

listen to it - and if you don’t

you will hear it anyway


Originally written in my journal, on the 4th March 2021 following a therapy session where I truly realised how deeply racism affected my upbringing, my sense of self, my voice, my day-to-day. I felt true anger - followed by distress and disappointment. This was written as a commitment to myself, and the world, that I will no longer let others silence, underestimate, dismiss, disadvantage me - or glorify adversity as an advantage.
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poetry, writing Lennie Law poetry, writing Lennie Law

summer’s day

he clouded my vision

in the best way

painted it with rose-tinted wisps

as clear as day

against the bluest of skies

I began my foray

into the hardest love

and a dream that would betray


For all the ones who loved but never thought they would also lose. A tribute to wearing rose-tinted glasses, love-drunk in the honeymoon stage, falling head-first into what you thought would be a sandy-soft ever-after. Assured that rose-tinted was crystal-clear. But instead, you wander through a rocky beach, before landing face-flat into a hard end.
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poetry, writing Lennie Law poetry, writing Lennie Law

whole

And as the moonlight

comes through my window

and I settle down to sleep

I acknowledge the love

I had lost

was the one for myself.

And I realise

that my current state of happiness

my glow, my fire

means my love for myself

is there again.


Originally written as a note on my phone, at 12:08pm on the 3rd October 2020. Context: I had gone through a challenging breakup, I was a couple months into therapy, I was trying to understand my anxiety, I was working through a time and energy intensive job.
Scene: I was lying on my bed, looking out the window, struggling to sleep but deciding not to force it. As cheesy, and as perfect as it sounds - I made eye contact with the bright moon, and clarity struck. I cried. For once, it wasn’t because I was stressed, anxious, lost, confused or heartbroken. It was the moment I realised I was whole, grounded, confident, strong, growing. The moment I finally realised I loved myself again.
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poetry, writing Lennie Law poetry, writing Lennie Law

feeling feelings

better in than out

better some than none

better feel your feelings

darling girl

let the tears roll

let your skin crawl

let the sounds escape

strong girl

remember this moment

remember the release

remember the growth

same girl


A piece about learning to feel my feelings - all of them. From celebrating birthdays or milestones, to the everyday and mundane, to unearthing everything I was trying to rationalise, everything I was trying to forget. It was my second lesson learned in therapy but by far the biggest action I have taken that has changed my life. Darling girl - she didn't know better and thought her feelings were a weakness. Strong girl - she proved she was better for feeling. Same girl - she had it in her all along.
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